An update and that damn Jojolands.

 I haven't written really anything at all since November, what's been going on, where am I, what's happened since? 

Around December I started getting severely depressed again, usually do around the Holiday season. Lots of stress from work and a lack of social activities kept me pretty cooped up. In that time I read through the entirety of Preacher with my closest friend, a series we both hold in very high regard to the kind of people we are, have been, could've been.It helped build a new level of self confidence that I have been severely lacking. January came faster than I knew it and 2026 I felt a slight surge in wanting to change, get out more, clean myself up, lose weight, become someone who I was moreso meant to be. I started going to local shows, the one thing I've always wanted for the past few years, a community and new friends, all these wonderful and talented people and I've been working harder on myself since, I'm down to 165lbs currently, started at 185, and I look better, I dress better, I even talk a little better. I don't really know what I'm doing, I still don't really know who I am. I've been doing a lot more questioning of my identity lately, I find myself confused on how I feel myself and everyone I know currently. I'm questioning my own androgyny and sexuality on a weekly basis at this point, my mind is rapidly drifting down a stream of change and sometimes I find myself in these hours long episodes of constrained thought with a weight of pure grayness in my chest. I feel like I'm starting a horse race late with an ass running on the fritz. These past few years I've been so shut in and now the door is just wide open and I want to stay outside but the monotony of work, boring home-life, and world politics have me so stressed out sometimes and I'm so uncertain of my future. I find myself reflecting back and back on recent and past things, how they mold me, my world is constantly changing and I'm evolving because of it.

Where am I right now? Home, writing this on a rainy night, cooped up with nothing but the sounds of storm and a fan blowing the smell of smoke out a window. I've been getting back into music recently, I'm trying out more alternative genres, heavier stuff, the sound of the bass strikes a chord my my heart, deep. Everything feels so confusing yet my days have still been positive. I went to a pub for the first time last night, I was terrified to go but I was invited by a friend and when I got there I immediately found other people I knew and it became one of my favorite nights of my life. I'm not much of a drinker but going out, buying a friend a drink, having cheers, going out to dance and sing and meet even more people, I have no words to express the amount of joy I felt, I fit in somewhere, I wasn't an outcast, I wasn't alone. 

I got my first tattoo recently too, a small pink paw on my wrist surrounded by a wreath of flowers in as heart shape, after my cat Charlotte who passed away in 2022 that sent me down a spiral that I've confidently recovered from, this mark being a statement on how much I loved her and that I'm still alive, even after my lowest. 

Music makes me feel good, I love the sound, the reverberations in the air that shake up my body, dislodging that grayness, being able to awkwardly dance in place, headbanging, it's fun finding my own groove, it gets easier every time and one of my new friends even encourages me to get on the floor with him and run around and he's been such a good spirit and influence on me.I don't know a lot of these guys super well but I tear up because I'm so happy to have these people in my life.

I've slowed down a bit on my comic hobby, haven't been reading as much these past few weeks since I haven't been home as often. I'm at a point now where I'm considering selling some stuff off just to kill clutter and my backlog is just infinetly growing. I started picking up manga again too, caught up on Jojolands and it reminds me how much I love Hirohiko Araki's artwork and the way his stories are written, very classical dialogue with characters putting their ideals on the line, specifically being very parallel to his work on JJBA Part 5: Golden Wind

 

Jojo has been a series that I've always felt pushed my own self sense of androgyny with these bold outfits and striking poses, full of confidence and self expression. It still speaks to me well over being a fan of this franchise for over a decade of my life with Part 7: Steel Ball Run's anime adaptation starting this week which just makes me feel incredibly old. It's my favorite series of all time, it's what got me into reading manga and comics, it's the reason I have this massive appreciation for the arts, drawn, music, acted, created all with that queer influence that makes it pop.

 

 I've been following the series since around 2014, Part 3: Stardust Crusaders first half was airing and I caught up with the Wheel of Fortune episode, I read through a bunch of rough fan translations because at this time, the manga outside of Part 3 wasn't officially translated in the West and it wouldn't be for another year when they started releasing volumes starting with Part 1: Phantom Blood. So we made do and read fan translations, had a niche community of people over websites like Facebook and Twitter, and we kept up with the fan groups. I met my best friend through these and through him I met a lot of other friends that I keep up with constantly. Araki is the reason I have the friends I do, stories and community have this kind of power, these "mechanisms", Araki would say nowadays, that take us beyond and into new places. 

I'm back, I'm alive and that's where I'm at this evening. Let's do this more often. I'd love to write more indepth about my journey with Jojolands soon too.